You’ve been curious for a while.
Maybe you brought it up as a joke to see how it landed.
Maybe you’ve been Googling it in private mode like it’s a state secret.
Either way, you can stop whispering. Curious is the perfect place to start, and slow is the only way to do this.
Here’s what we tell beginners. Every expert was a beginner once.
Step 1: Talk before anything comes out of the box
Not in the moment. Not with your clothes off. Do it on the couch, on a walk, or in the car, where nobody has to make eye contact.
Try: “I’ve been curious about something. Can I tell you and you just hear me out?”
Then agree on three things: what you want to try, what’s a hard no, and your stop word. We like green (keep going), yellow (slow down) and red (stop, no questions asked).
And if the answer is “not for me,” that’s the answer. Curiosity doesn’t obligate anybody.
Step 2: Pick something made for beginners
This is where people mess up. They buy for the person they hope to be in six months.
Start small, and only with toys that have a flared base. That flare is what keeps a toy where it belongs.
Our Toy of the Week is Dr. Tush’s Beginner Anal Plug Set. It’s a 3-piece set in smaller sizes: soft matte silicone, polished metal and sparkling borosilicate glass. Each one has a slim, tapered shape and a flared safety base. The point is you don’t have to guess which material you’ll like. You get to find out.
- Silicone: gentle flexibility, and the usual first pick.
- Metal: more weight and smooth pressure.
- Glass: a silky glide, and it can be warmed up or chilled.
Want to start with just one? The Limitless Soft-Touch Silicone Plug is silky smooth with a tapered shape and beginner-friendly sizing.
Step 3: Use more lube than you think you need
Then add a little more.
This part of the body doesn’t make its own lubrication, so lube isn’t optional. We reach for a water-based lube, because it’s safe to use with all three materials in the set. JO H2O Original gives you a smooth glide with no sticky residue. Sutil Luxe is a super slippery, gel-like water-based option with a long-lasting glide.
Skip anything that promises to numb you. Your body’s signals are how you know what’s okay. If you can’t feel it, you can’t tell when to stop.
Step 4: Set the scene and go slow
- Go to the bathroom and take a warm shower first. Being relaxed matters more than anything else on this list.
- Lay down a towel. Put your phone on silent.
- Start with whatever usually relaxes you. There’s no rush to get to the main event.
- Use the smallest toy, go a little at a time, and breathe. If you’re tensing up, stop and wait.
- Whoever’s receiving controls the pace. Period.
Discomfort is a signal to slow down. Pain is a signal to stop. If something hurts, it’s not “part of it.” Stop, and try another day or don’t.
Step 5: Clean up and take care of each other
Wash your toys with mild soap and warm water or toy cleaner after every use. The materials in the Dr. Tush set are non-porous and easy to clean. Never move a toy from back to front without washing it first.
Then do the part people skip: aftercare. After Butt Play Cooling Aftercare Gel is a lightweight hydrogel with peppermint oil that cools and comforts sensitive skin after play, with no sticky residue.
And ask the best question in the bedroom: “So… how was that for you?”
Our honest take
You don’t have to love it. You just have to be honest about it. If you try it and say, “Nope, that’s not me,” congratulations, you learned something about yourself and it cost you one date night.
Products in this post
Dr. Tush’s Beginner Anal Plug Set (3-Piece) ($63.99): this week’s Toy of the Week, for first-timers who want to try all three materials.
After Butt Play Cooling Aftercare Gel ($26.99): for after, because aftercare counts.
Limitless Soft-Touch Silicone Plug ($15.99): one simple place to start.
JO H2O Original Water-Based Lubricant (from $13.49): a smooth everyday glide.
Sutil Luxe Body Glide (from $20.49): slippery, gel-like and long lasting.
Still have questions? Chat with us privately on HartsDesires.com. No judgment.
Same-day delivery in DC and Prince George’s County on $69+ orders placed before 5 PM. Free shipping on $69+ everywhere else in the continental U.S. Products come from manufacturers and authorized distributors.
With love, Shani & Tony
