Cuffing Season Myths: Who’s Really in Charge?

Cuffing season is officially here.

Everybody’s out here looking for somebody to be boo’d up with through the winter.

We heard “cuffing season” and went a whole different direction. On purpose.

If you’ve been curious about power play, giving up control or taking it for a night, you’ve probably heard some stuff that made you go, “Wait… is that true?” So let’s clear it up. Five myths, busted with love.

Myth 1: “If you like being submissive, you must be weak.”

Baby, no.

A lot of the people who love handing over control are the ones who run everything all day. The job, the house, the group chat, the calendar, the toilet paper situation.

Being told what to do for a little while can feel like a vacation for your brain. There’s trust in it. Anticipation. Structure. And the sweet relief of not being the one in charge for five minutes.

Choosing to give up control takes confidence. You’re trusting someone with something real.

Myth 2: “The person on top is the one running the show.”

Ask a power bottom how that’s going. (Friday is Power Bottom Appreciation Day, so go ahead and tell yours thank you.)

A power bottom is the receiving partner who still plays an active, assertive role. They might set the pace or steer the whole experience.

And in power play generally? The person giving up control usually sets the limits before anything starts. Who’s on top and who’s in charge are two different questions.

Myth 3: “If it’s not intense, it doesn’t count as kink.”

It counts.

A blindfold counts. A pair of cuffs counts. One partner deciding what happens next for the night counts. Last week we called it Kink Lite, and it’s a perfectly good place to live.

If you do want to go further (some of y’all saw that list and said “Cute. What else ya got?”), here’s the rule: the more intense the activity, the MORE talking, planning, boundaries and trust should happen beforehand. Not less.

Myth 4: “Once the cuffs are on, anything goes.”

Absolutely not. Cuffs are not a contract.

Before anything comes out of the bag, agree on what’s on the table, what’s a hard no and your check-in words. We like green (keep going), yellow (slow down or adjust) and red (stop, no questions asked).

Then keep it physical-safe too. You should be able to slide two fingers under any cuff. Check in about tingling or numbness. Keep the release easy. And never leave a restrained partner alone. Not even to “grab something real quick.”

Our pick for your first pair is this week’s Toy of the Week: the Indica Cutout Cuffs. Emerald green, gold hardware, and soft enough to actually wear. Way more interesting than downloading Hinge again.

Myth 5: “Once you pick a role, you’re stuck with it.”

Nope. Plenty of couples switch. Some nights one of you leads, some nights the other one does. Some nights nobody leads and y’all just watch a movie.

And it’s Halloween weekend, so if there was ever a time to try on a role for one night, this is it. A Lace Collar & Leash is more about the energy than the hardware: who leads, who follows, and how good it feels to play a part. The collar is for show and feel, never pressure on the throat. The leash is for guiding, not yanking.

Not sure who should lead? Let the Kinky Nights Dice decide. Agree on the allowed outcomes first and re-roll anything that’s a no.

Our honest take

Power play isn’t about who’s stronger. It’s about trust, and about both of you getting something you actually want.

Start small. Talk first. Check in during. And talk again after, because “so… how was that for you?” is the best part of trying something new.

Still feeling a little shy? Start with a Satin Blindfold or Brat Sensory Fingertips before the cuffs come out. Sensation first, control later.

Products in this post

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With love, Shani & Tony