What’s up, y’all?? We get quite a few questions in our DMs about everything from butt plugs to budding relationships, so we are about to answer some of these deep ass questions y’all ask us.
Here’s one we get all the time: Is it alright if my husband/wife has wandering eyes? Should I be mad that they are attracted to other people? What does that mean for our relationship?
Well, let us start by saying this: there is nothing we could tell you to make you feel better about your spouse’s wandering eyes if their attraction to other people truly bothers or upsets you. You would have to have some honest conversation with yourself about why it bothers you so much.
Now that we said that, here is how we feel about men or women who show or explore their attraction to other people outside of their committed spouse or partner.
We believe it’s HEALTHY for men AND women to explore their attractions and to look around at people they find attractive, whether it’s physical attraction or mental attraction. When we say physical attraction, most of you know what we mean. Your spouse (or you) like the way someone’s ass, breasts, lips, eyes, or overall body looks, and you feel the urge to see them again or take a second glance. Mental attraction is when you talk or interact with someone for an extended period of time (hello Work Husbae/wife), and you enjoy the conversation or interaction enough to desire more of it. Both of these are examples of pure attraction—nothing more or less. We will talk about sexual attraction later.
It is healthy for men AND women to explore attractions outside of their committed spouses as a way to continue to grow as a human-being outside of the current relationship. Now, do not attempt to apply this information to ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, or other non-traditional forms of relational connection because those relationships have very personalized boundaries based on the people in the relationships. Now, attraction is not something to be worried about in the grand scheme of things. However, sexual attraction with an intent to put the attraction into action is something totally different. If you feel like your spouse is trying to HIT THAT, then yall need to have a full, open, and honest conversation about that.
If that’s not the case, then…
Here are 7 Reasons Why It’s Okay for Your Person to be Attracted to Other People
- It means they are AWARE. We want our partners to be aware of what they like and what makes them feel good inside. This means they shouldn’t ignore their attractions. It may also help you identify what makes their private parts jump if you know what we mean. Watch your spouse as they watch other people. See what turns them on. Maybe it’s the man with the big arms or the woman with the tiny waist–at least you know what they like. And if you already have those things, bonus points. If you don’t have those attributes, ask your spouse what attracts them to YOU instead of asking them to stop being attracted to others.
- Attraction is NATURAL. It is a natural occurrence for a person to generally be attracted to more than one person. Attraction is really about what they LIKE versus what they WANT. What someone likes is often developed wayyyyyy before you show up. Let their natural attraction flow, so they don’t feel restricted or restrained.
- It shows their HONESTY. If your partner is looking at others while you are around, it’s likely they aren’t doing random shit behind your back. Better in front of you than waiting until you aren’t around to express all manners of attraction. When those eyes wander, be happy that they aren’t hiding it from you. Being blind-sided by what your partner is attracted to could cause more damage than good.
- It helps them understand attraction from partnership. Attraction does not equal partnership. Remember in #2 where we made it clear that attraction is natural. However, partnership is a decision, not a natural occurrence. Out of all of their attractions, they made a DECISION to partner with you. That’s most important.
- Their actions matter more. Okay…they have a wandering eye…but do they have a wandering penis or vagina? That’s the important question. We want you to focus on their faithfulness to you (if you’re monogamous) more than you focus on their attraction.
- They are HUMAN. It’s un-human to not LOOK at things that LOOK GOOD. It’s how we are wired as humans. It doesn’t matter if it’s someone else’s plate of delicious food, a huge mansion, a fast car parked in the parking lot, or A NICE ASS or DICK PRINT, please accept the humanness of your partner. They are going to look…you should look too. LOL.
- You can bring them back to ATTENTION. LOL. If you find them looking, remind them again of what they have. Put that ass in their face. Pull them close and passionately kiss them. Ride that D**** like a cowgirl. Eat the goodies like a hungry man. Bring them back to attention. You got this!