The thought of a bad sex episode lingers on as long as the stench when your auntie cooked chitlins at her house. You never forget it lol. My debacle happened almost 20 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. I’ll get to a solution, but first brace yourself for this story.
Let me set the scene.
This was a co-worker….I know, I know, don’t shhh where you eat. No lies were told. Well, we had been flirting HEAVY with each other for months. After drinking all night at the company Christmas party we were drunk enough to agree it was going down, tuhnight!! We go back to my house, no coffee, no small talk, it’s Go time! After .2 seconds of foreplay we’re both naked and I assume my place in the missionary position. He directs me to turn around. Doggy style off the jump? Ok, I’m down. I get on my knees waiting for that pivotal insertion moment but he pushes me down flat. Whet? Maybe this was a mistake so I raise up to get back on my knees. Now I know obviously it was not a mistake because he pushed me back down flat. How am I going to throw dat ass ina circle laying flat on my stomach? He begins to hunch me like a dog. Yes. You know hunching. My face the whole time is like (O O)!! This lasts about 5 minutes and it’s over. We fall asleep.
The next morning he wakes up and gives me the old, hard one on my butt move. Decision time. Am I going to see if there’s anything else in his sexual repertoire? I have to. I must know.
He. Did. The. Same. Thing.
And I never mentioned it again. And we never flirted ever again. Like we both knew mistakes had been made.
Funny thing is that this story shows how much I’ve grown. Now, as an empowered woman who knows what I like as far as pleasure, I would never settle for this. As soon as he pushed me down flat, like a gutted fish, my inner voice would be screaming!!! The sure-fire way to having a bad sex episode is not using your voice. Maybe you don’t use your voice because you don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings. Or you haven’t built up your confidence in the bedroom. Or you don’t speak up because you really don’t know what to say, you don’t really know what you like as it pertains to sex. Luckily, as a Sex Educator I have the words readily available to get that screaming feeling out in words that would put myself and my partner both in a position to leave with a great experience.
One of the best ways to build confidence in the bedroom and figure out what you like and don’t like is exploration of your body. Figuring things out with a partner can be fun but doing it solo could be more helpful. A lot of folks accomplish this through masturbation. Masturbation and sex toys go hand in hand! Here are a few in my nightstand right now that could do the trick.
The Bobbii is a great bullet for novices. 70% of all women have orgasms through clitoral stimulation, so that’s a great place to start. I love this bullet in particular because of its flexible body and length a little longer than most bullets. There are a lot of nerve endings at the opening of the vagina and this bullet allows for some shallow penetration in addition to awesome clitoral pleasure.
The Moka is great for help finding the famed G-spot. The curved design and the flat tip makes it easy to move around inside the vagina and press firmly on the G-spot once it’s found. This could lead to orgasms that are like no other!
My number one favorite toy for the past year or so is the Lelo Ina Wave. The come hither motion massages my G-spot to the pulsation I choose and coupled with the clitoral vibration it sends me over the edge every time. This toy is great for those vulvas that like dual stimulation (internal and external fun).
Fellas I’m not going to leave you out. I know just mentioning the word prostate has some of you clenching your butt cheeks up right now lol! Don’t fret, I’m here to tell you it’s ok to tinker around down there. Here’s a Blog Post talking all about anal fun for you.
So get out there and try some new toys. Learn what you like. Explore every nook and cranny of your body. And remember your voice!!
Friends don’t let friends have bad sex! I’m here for you, any questions don’t hesitate to ask!